So I’m sitting in my room in Riyadh literally dying of boredom I go and start reading through my blog. It’s crazy I feel as if I don’t even know that girl, care free and worrying about trivial things. That is no longer my life. I live with a constant knot in my stomach, I wake up do whatever it is I have to do that day, shop, eat, smile, laugh and this god damn pain NEVER goes. When I just sit still and stop for a second I am cruelly reminded of my loss. Reminded that no matter what I do and how happy I’m supposed to be my little girl is dead and gone, buried in shitty depressive England. I’m never going to be able to sit down and have a ridiculous conversation with her , dance with her or read to her again. I was her big sister I used to watch over her, spoil her and love her. This is what I am constantly reminded of every day an endless list of things past and a future that I took for granted that I will now never have.
15 days, 19hours and 27 seconds since my last post
Hectic:Characterized by intense activity, confusion, or haste
Or
marked by intense agitation or emotion.
Yeeeeah, I’ll go with the second. Although, both definitions would sum up my week perfectly. Making so many changes in your life in just one week should have a medicine prescribed for it. God your meeting your new flat mates, meeting new friends, enrolling for your classes, signing up for societies and much more.
So forgive me for not posting but I have been crazy busy, I’m kinda settling in to uni now. My flatmates are great, lol and not dirty (added bonus) we share two bathrooms, a kitchen and a sitting room area. We have so much fun together, there are six of us in my flat two guys and four girls, Jay, Amelia, Tori, Tom and Alice. Alice is my favourite she’s an absolute darling we hang out quite alot. There are five other flats in our block which is B block and the people although I haven’t met all of them seem nice too. Ashleigh who was in my class in college last year is in the flat above mine so that’s really great at least I knew I had him there before I came, and I hung out in his flat on Friday with Tori and some of his flatmates it was fun.
I’ve been coming home these past two weekends because I’ve really missed my family, also I haven’t been sleeping that well at uni, it really takes me time to get used to new settings. I’m probably going to try and stay down in Oxford this weekend though for the first time also we have planned to go ice skating on Saturday so that should be an additional incentive.
All in all it has been a good two weeks so far, not great but good I hope that it carries on going up from here and my university experience is as great as people make it out to be. Everyone says that I should cherish these moments because its going to be gone before I know it. I’ll look back and all I will have is the memories that I made, its kinda hard to cherish the moment while you’re in it but I’ll try.
7ikmat el-post:As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone.
Wow so this is it I'm leaving tommorow, should have been today but I ajiled it cuz I wanted to have a day with my whole family when we weren't rushing off to school and work.
Well I've almost finished packing I've got all my papers and certificates in order
I got a really cute plant. I think that I'm gonna do my dorm room in hot pink.
My little sisters are asking me for my things like I'm going away and never coming back, my room, my shoes, my earings, the answer to all these have been HELL NO. I don't care if I'm not there my bedroom stays empty for when I come down. I'm probably gonna feel bad once I'm there and let them sleep in it though.
Well will tell everyone how its going when I get to Oxford and have met my room mates *pray that they are clean, pray that the are clean*
This really feels like that definitive moment when you look back years later and say thats when it all changed, the first day of the rest of my life.
and I am FREAKED OUT!!!!!
7ikmat el-post: The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope.
So I went to see the dark knight again this Thursday and i have every intention of going to watch it on IMAX again before I go away to uni. That movie is beyond amazing, I’m just in shock every time at how incredible Heath Ledger was a joker (he HAS to win that Oscar) it was way better watching it this time cuz I knew what was gonna happen so I could just sit back and revel in the awesomeness that is Heath Ledger.
So five days left and I’m thinking of all the things that I’ve gotta do: 1. Open a student account. 2. Fix my finances cuz I kinda bunched that up. 3. By pots and pans and a rug for my room. 4. Buy my 16-25 student railcard that gives me 1/3 of train fees. 5. Call Ash to see how he’s gonna get his stuff to me. 6. Buy presents for my family and leave them somewhere where they won’t find it until I’ve gone. 7. Call the school of health and social care at uni and tell them to SEND ME MY GODDAMN BOOK LIST ALREADY.
I bet you loads of other small stuff are gonna come up so I better try and do at least half of those things by tomorrow.
Uggh so Nadal lost the semi-finals of the US open to none other than Murray, I don’t have anything against Murray personally its just the stupid British people, they give me a bloody earache, over Murray this and Murray that, hes so incredible he’s gonna be world number one soon. Then Murray can act like a right old good for nothing brat when the game isn’t going his way. Nadal on the other hand has excellent sportsmanship and is a complete gentleman, he is also a pretty magnificent player. That Wimbledon final between him and Federer was nothing short of epic and is something I will cherish for a very long time. So fingers crossed that Federer beats Murray, so I won’t be subjected to stupid British ranting every time I turn on the TV or radio.
God!!! I went down to Cambridge yesterday and saw Asma. We couldn’t believe it has been a year, we were just sitting there 8ar8ring like I had just seen her a few days ago, that’s the beauty of the internet, it’s hard to lose contact with your friends. Anyways Oxford is close to Cambridge so the good thing is that I’ll be seeing her ALOT this year inshallah. She also gave me some good tips for uni. I am addicted to e-bay because of above said person, that place is heavenly I found the cutest leather gloves in the world on that site.
Anyways I want to give a shout to my darling Aliyah wishing her a very happy 22nd birthday, hope u had a great one. I love you.
7ikamt el-post: Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.
So I’m finally back and this time I swear it will be for good. I’ve missed blogging sometime things happen (or don’t for that matter) and I really feel that I need to vent about it.My blog as my sanctuary I can say exactly what is going on in this head of mine without being judged about it in anyway. I have become quite an angry person. I feel now that I’m always pissed off with my family my mum and dad get the brunt of that, I disagree with them way too much to be healthy and then that escalates into a big fight and I hear myself saying things that I would never have said a year ago. Being rude, disagreeable, bratty and uncooperative is NOT me, I feel like I’ve lost myself this past year and I’m gonna do something about it.
So anyways enough with my depressing rant, well another reason that I haven’t been blogging is because I haven’t had squat to blog about. I swear this has got to have been the most boring, friendless and unproductive year of my entire life, I say before comment with a pinch of salt. So we moved house three times (four if you count KSA) and we have finally bought a house and feel kinda settled in. I’ve almost finished fixing my bedroom.
Also
I’M GOING AWAY TO UNI IN 10 DAYS TIME. WOOOOOOOOT. I AM SOOO EXCITED I’M GONNA BE LIVING IN DORMS AND ALL THAT COMES WITH IT, end of caps cuz I’m kinda pissed that I didn’t get my ensuite bathroom, I made ensuite my first three choices on my accommodation but they put me with shared bathroom. Anyways it isn’t all bad I’m just gonna have to gather my fellow flat mates and do some bathroom talking especially to the boys. Girls are usually clean or even if they aren’tcan be shamed into being clean but guys noooot so much. We’ll see i can always transfer to different halls if it gets to be a problem. I’m also really happy cuz I’m gonna be living in the beautiful city of Oxford which in my opinion is one of the best cities to be a student in.
I’m gonna miss my family terribly especially Hawwa, that’s really gonna suck but I guess we can’t be attached to each other’s hips our entire life.
So I think that sums up my first post will be back with more tantalising tales of my oh so succulent life.
Ramadan Kareem my lovelies.
7ikmat el-post:To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing its best, day and night, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight and never stop fighting
Where to start? I know I have been around like zilch. I could come up with a zillion lame excuses why that is. "I'm not adjusting well ", "I'm suffering from culture shock", "I miss my dad terribly."
Blah, blah, blah (I told you they were lame.)
The truth is I've changed ALOT since I've come here. All the things that I used to enjoy doing don't give me a buzz anymore. I used to adore reading, I LOVED writing my endevours in my blog. Now my life is really so whatever kinda thing. (See how articulate I'm being a new bonus to my transformation.)
I'm young and my spark is dying.
I've started colleage which is a cool experience. I've made some hang out buddies who all happen to be guys (don't ask, one particular story I'm not going to go into on my blog). The head of our course is completly bonk in the head, very, very cool but nutty. Shes one of those purple haired, pearcing in the lower lip, crazy about smoking, sex and drinking kind of people. She actually went into her sex life in the middle of our anatomy and physiology lesson (I really didn't want to know many of the things she told us.) After we had finished class one evening she was trying to get us to come down to the pub and have some drinks with her. I declined, going to the pub and getting drunk is very high on my 'things I hope and pray to never to do' list, a few kids in my class did go with her though. Not to mention our 15 minute breaks were she and a few people in my class go and come back smelling very strongly of fags.
Nothing much has been going on in my collage life other than assignments I have three which all need to be done, asap. Which I am leaving till the very last minute as usual. Me and Hawwa have decided to go to the city center on friday. I haven't got any classes that day. I wanna go and see star dust, not to mention some kick ass Chinese restaurant i smelt there (yeah smelling was as good as it got cuz the place was jam packed, friday everyone is at school and work so, yeah baby.)
Anyway tata for now. I'm gonna try and write regularly now try and get some old Aya back into me. Cuz as much as I didn't think so before, I kinda liked who I was.
7ikmat el-post:Do not let your fire go out, sparked by the irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have not been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours.
So i know i have completely neglected my blog. For some reason after you had to sign in with your gmail account it stopped working for me.
I feel as if I'm a different person since my last post. My family have moved back to UK for good. I know this might sound ungrateful but I really don't like it here. I miss KSA more than I can say, I ache for my friends you know even if you don't always see them, the comfort of them just being there, 5, 10, 20 minutes away. The comfort of knowing people that have loved you and know you so well are so close to you and you can turn to them. I consider that my whole life was in Saudi I was a kid when i left London. Everything that ever mattered in my life happened in KSA. I feel so lost right now, I sleep half my day away and everyone that knows me knows i don't sleep alot. Walla I'm on msn speaking to all those people that mean so much to me, that are cities and countries apart (and I hate msn). Knowing that it will never be the same again. I'm so immature I know that, as far as standards here I'm downright spoilt. It was ok being that way in Saudi, to be completely honest I liked it. I've got to change so much here and that's probably why I feel so lost. It's a different life, a different me a new chapter.
I close the first chapter of my life a new one begins, I hope its as filling and beautiful as the last.
I dedicate this post to Asma, Taqwa and Nahla three people that have filled my last chapter profoundly. I love you all.
7ikmat al-post:As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: Money, Popularity, Fame...we ignore what truly matters - the simple things: like Friendship, Family, Love. The things we probably already had.
